it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
