I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
