She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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