Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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