soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
