My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
