im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
