It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
