they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
