Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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