they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
