What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
