I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
