I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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