Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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