WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
