I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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