Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
