As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
