my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
