She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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