He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So many bounce houses so little time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
