That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
