i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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