well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
