All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
