You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
