covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
