To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
