Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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