plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
