Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you guys were way drunker than both of me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
