that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
