On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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