In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
honey bunches of taint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
