I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
These tits shall not be calmed
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