apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
