He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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