please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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