she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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