Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
