I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
