Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
