dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
