Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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