Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
