walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
