He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
