I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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