Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
