I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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