I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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