if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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