I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
