it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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