Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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